I Am Smiling For You

I plan my content weeks beforehand. I make a schedule for the month, if it is a photoblog have pictures taken well in advance and try my best to ensure that everything I put on here is clearly expressed. Enough to build someone up. Make someone laugh. Connect with someone. Enlighten. Entertain.

Sometimes, I feel like there is no point to it. Yet every single time God reminds me that there is. Isn’t that all that matters? Isn’t all that matters that I am living in agreement with God? That I’m seeking out whatever it is that makes me happy? That I am surrounded by people who love me and whom I love back? That I am in pursuit of ways to be of service to this world, leave it better than I found it and have a good time while I am at it?

Why then do we get caught up in all the wrong things? The unimportant stuff?

Sometimes, life shocks us into perspective.

I lost a friend so it does not matter what I had planned to post this week. What matters is what it is I feel right in my heart  to share with you today. I lost a friend. A funny, caring, loyal friend. A friend who quelled doubts evident in being apologetically myself with “You have nothing to be sorry for” and “I’ll always be here for you.” Writing this brings tears to my eyes. To have known someone so giving of himself and so accepting of others. He was there when I needed him to be, without holding back. I remember him as the guy who loved to make sure that everyone he cared for felt loved. I remember him as the guy who loved to laugh, and share the laughter. I remember him as the guy who loved football. I remember his integrity and kindness. I am however also moved to tears because I regret that we have not spoken in years, that we lost touch. Oh how we plan for tomorrow. I should call so and so up, I should catch up with him sometime, I guess we will see each other when we see each other. We forget that of all the things we are sure of, tomorrow is not one of them.

My friend’s life is a testament to legacy.

A legacy that Maya Angelou’s words resound with: “I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Your sweet spirit is echoed by all who knew you. You, regretfully in your absence, have taught me that love is what remains when it is all said and done. Love for God, Love for ourselves, Love for our families, Love for our friends, Love for our dreams, Love for the world, Love for life.

Your departure has left us all sad, but may we be reminded to live well.

To you, who is grieving, there is nothing I can say that will make the pain of loss go away. There are perhaps no words that can make sense out of life and death at this point. I can however tell you what my friend told me five years ago that has made me smile in the wake of his demise. He told me that people love us too much to leave us. That they are always with us even in death. He said, “I know people say it will blow over but don’t let it. Think about your grandad everyday. Don’t ever let him become a memory because he loves you way too much to leave you. So just smile for him Nyamzy, smile.”

Koros, even in your death you still find a way to bring healing, to me and to those who know you. That is just the essence of who you are, in spirit.

I am certain that he changed over the years and it is my prayer that his last days were filled with peace. From what I see you all sharing on his facebook timeline, whatever may have changed, it is clear that his heart remained golden.

Grieve. Do not forget him. Through the sorrow and tears however, celebrate his life. Keep sharing the beautiful memories. Try to slowly let go of any regrets you may have, they will hurt you more than remind you of what a blessing he was. You know, in your heart of hearts, that it is all forgiven.

May we not take this life for granted. I suggest that right now, as you read this:

-Send a prayer up in thanksgiving. You are here. You are alive and well. You are beaming with purpose. Life may not be perfect, but you are at peace. And if you’re not, you still have a chance to seek it out. You have people in your life that love and care for you, whether you realise it or not.  God is sustaining you. He is fighting your battles for you. Everything means nothing without God. Send prayers up. Pray for Koros’s soul. For strength and comfort for his family, friends and acquaintances.

-Hug, kiss the people you love. Tightly and wholeheartedly. If you’re not with them physically, call them. Text them. Spam their social media with love. Let it be known that you appreciate them. That they are valued.

-Grab a notepad, laptop, phone and write down how you want to live. These are vows that you are making. Write down a strategy for how you will remind yourself because when the cycle of life sets back in, you are likely to forget and sink back into patterns of non-fulfillment. Living requires practice.

-Decide to stop being at war with yourself, it is not worth it. Embrace you, your quirks and dreams completely. Whatever makes you feel different, embrace with everything in you. That love of self will brew love for everyone else in your life making you a better daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend, workmate. It will push you to get back up when you fall down. It will inspire you to live as beautifully and as authentically as you possibly can. Decide to stop being at war with others. Divert that energy spent on holding grudges to build on the positive.

-Smile. Play your favourite song and dance to it. Let loose. If only for these next few minutes, lend yourself to this moment, completely. Experience freedom and hang on to that feeling. You’ll need it as a reminder.

I am smiling for you my friend. I am dancing for you. I am laughing for you.

Rest in paradise.

Love and Love,

Nyambura.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Cheb Koros says:

    Dear Nyamzy,

    Your words have encouraged, comforted and inspired me.
    I thank you for sharing with the world your thoughts and memories of my brother.
    May you be continuously blessed.
    *virtual hugs*

    Like

    1. Dear Cheb, I am so happy to hear that. May God keep blessing and strengthening you and your family. You remain in my prayers.
      *virtual hugs*

      Like

  2. Thank you so much for these words Valiant. I’m just so grateful to have known him and know that he is still with us in spirit. To love and to smile, in deed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My God, Nyambura. I am so sorry about your loss.
    But, what Koros inspired in you,najd what it has inspired in all of us, will forever live on, won’t it? And this is it: to Love with all that we have, and never hold back for those we Love. And to smile.
    Thank you. ❤

    Like

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