One of the toughest situations I have had to deal with, and seek strength to get through, is disappointing myself. Ne-Yo and Cher LLoyd sang it perfectly: “it’s like falling down, and everyone’s watching.” The journey involves inevitable bumps. It just so happens that these are sometimes a result of your actions or lack thereof: something you did, the deadline you did not keep, the argument you had, oversight, that wrong choice you knowingly made, not living up to the standards you set for yourself. Sometimes, you will be both the mess and the broom (totally borrowed the analogy from Rudy Francisco).
I had a recent encounter with disappointing myself, which came down to this: I am not being all that I can be.
Ouch, right? I have learnt to call a spade a spade. The goal is to live sincerely, not perfectly. That requires honesty, which is not always pretty. But, the only way over, is through. What keeps us alive? The opportunity and willingness to grow: spiritually, emotionally, physically-in as many areas as possible; to get back up as many times as we fall.
If you find it easier to forgive others than to forgive yourself, you could do a little better on the self compassion front. Self compassion does not mean excusing nor does it mean applauding your shortcomings. It is about self awareness, understanding yourself, believing in your worth despite wrong turns, and constructively dealing with the consequences. Beating yourself down does you no good; it does not hold you any more accountable than you already are. What it does though, is lead to discouragement, under-performance, and could even lead to depression. It’s a lose lose.
Overcoming self disappointment is a journey that requires accepting reality as is, being brutally honest with yourself, and doing what it takes to get back up.
I may not be the best at handling self disappointment, but I have come a long way. What changed?
- Total surrender: acceptance helps me move past regret to: okay, what next. No point mulling over spilt milk. This also requires naming my feelings and allowing them to come and go.
- Self compassion: knowing that I am still worthy. Even when I under-perform or make mistakes, I am still deserving of love, grace, success and a hug. Love heals. Love encourages. Love is always a win win. Patience. We do not get there all at once. Baby steps. What matters most is your response to situations.
- Spirit revival: fact is, self disappointment can leave us feeling REAL discouraged, but don’t swim in that. Get your spirit filled with positive vibes-pray, read, watch a movie, laugh-whatever will get you feeling great about yourself again, and switch you back on. You are still great. So, make great things happen.
- Proactivity: first things first, take responsibility. You cannot overcome what you refuse to acknowledge. Own your mistakes, make amends, and turn the mess into victory. To do this, you will have to call yourself out on your BS. Are you being lazy? Do you lack discipline? Are you spending less time in sweet solitude and getting lost in the noise? What is holding you back? You have all the power you need, mentally, to be your best self. So do not give your life sentence to your weaknesses. Refocus. Nothing works if you do not work.
- Let go: to move forward, we must let go of what weighs us down. Forgive yourself wholeheartedly, and move: forward. Also, remind yourself of all the things you have got right rather than dwelling on who you haven’t been.
Despite the rain, “wet sand makes for better sand castles.”
Don’t think less of yourself. You are a work in progress. Just make sure that you are actually progressing.
Love and Love,