This Thing, Hope

I just read this post by Biko Zulu. I normally leave recommendations until the end, but I am too moved not to have it here. Plus it gave me inspo for this post; I think it is only dutiful.

I have been thinking lately, “I don’t want to forget what is important.” I wrote about my quarter life crisis here, and well, you know how they say there is light at the end of the tunnel? I am not quite there, but I am certainly in a good place because I have decided to be more than defeated. I am questioning, seeking answers, relentlessly getting back up (fall after fall), and going back to a place where my confidence is entirely in God. I have realised that that is the only way it trickles down to me, effortlessly.

This period has come with doubts aplenty and because I am a thinker–it’s been a cycle of defeatist thoughts.

At some point, it hit me that I had let go of what is important. It happens when you are wallowing. Realisation is only but the beginning; now comes the learning and unlearning. I also realised, that I was living from a lense of what is important to others. Another side effect of wallowing.

This period has taught me the value of my truth, and having a strong sense of self. This requires me to know and never stop knowing, whose I am. Once I lose sight of this, I lose sight of the things I know to be true. I get lost in the noise; I forget my value, my purpose, my gift. I lose.

I’ll be honest, leaving university felt as though I had been thrust out of a self made bubble. Life out here was all stones and mud; get hit or get stuck. Everything I knew to be true about the importance of self care, perspective and positive spaces, I threw out the window. I felt that that is not what adulting requires. Adulting requires being awake by 6AM, toiling, working hard, being wildly (I repeat, wildly) successful, having lots of money, not wasting time on “life is meant to be appreciated” moments, sleeping (barely), and repeating. The thought that this wasn’t my reality put me in bed with anxiety.

Thank God I am finding my way back to my Spirit. I love it. As it is. I love that it doesn’t take much to make me happy, that I like to travel light, that I am curious and think deeply about, life. That I believe in meaning, values and connection. That I keep going.

Forgetting what is important yields distractions that have nothing to do with your goals. You know who you are, and only you can place value on the life you want to live. Only you can make it happen.

Don’t be duped into thinking less of yourself, or your journey. Issa lie. You are ballsy, and you got this!

Be patient, work hard and talk to God often.

Lastly, I love this paraphrased definition of hope, adapted from Brene Brown’s teachings: Hope is not how we feel; it is how we think, and it is 100% teachable. It’s the ability to set goals, cultivate pathways to achieving those goals and believing that you can do it.

Hold on to what is important. Hold on to hope.

Love and Love,

Nyambura.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Anonymous says:

    I like this mum

    Like

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