I love it when I meet someone who reads and even more, loves my blog. My heart automatically breaks into a happy dance. Occasionally, I do come across one or two who presume, directly or allusively, that I am perfect. The truth is, I mess up a lot. I do. I am not by any means perfect. I am a 23 year old with a perspective on life that I like to share. A 23 year old trying to live my most creative life, and reflecting bits of that here, on my blog. A 23 year old nonetheless; doing the right thing but sometimes, failing miserably. Striving to live by the spirit but giving in to the flesh more times than I should. Confused and anxious at times. Mostly not wanting to live a double life dabbling in faking perfection and living wholeheartedly.
I am learning to be as gracious to myself as I am to others, regardless of the measure of grace I get from other people. I care what people think, but I am working towards not letting that affect how I see myself nor determine how I live. I will probably always care, but I am getting used to not letting that mean anything authoritative to me.
This is (gladly) my life. My mistakes, my failures, my mess. Hidden in these experiences, is immeasurable growth and hushed beauty. I choose to embrace both. As a recovering perfectionist, I can confirm that there is nothing fun about perfectionism. I don’t know about you, but I need my one short and precarious life to be fun. And tear jerking. Challenging. Most of all, fulfilling.
I sometimes get disappointed when someone I admire falls short with regard to their personal choices. How could they do such a thing? Nowadays though, I quickly counter that with; well how could they not? My disappointment is no fault of theirs, rather mine, for putting them up on an unsolicited pedestal. Their shortfalls do not change their beautiful minds, nor their beautiful art which inspire me to do better with mine. They have a right to live by them, and not their audience nor the world. They have a right to make wrong choices, and cry and be human. It was never their mandate to live for others. And so recently, that is what I remind myself. The people who are for me, truly, will be for me regardless of my beautiful mess. And those who are not just aren’t and that is okay. People will judge, some harshly, no matter what. You might as well keep your nose in your business and go about your life the best way you know how.
I want to get used to living a life that is on my terms, really, truly. I want to get used to living extraordinarily. I just watched this video and thought-what a waste, to misspend my good health beating myself up over every wrong turn-more than I should. Mess up, fess up, go through whatever consequences, and keep growing. For the problems we bring upon ourselves, may we be reminded that the only difference between them thriving over our happiness and not, is how much energy we give them. If we do not feed them, we do not suffer needlessly.
Let things go frequently and remember that the journey is mostly mental.
Love and Love,